Shae's log: Today I was a good African

Watching patients in the mens ward of a local Tanzanian government hospital is sadness to the nth power. But being able to feed Happy's father and drown out the sadness around me-- truly a gift! He was so thrilled to see me even if he can't really talk or hear much now. But the little he could talk was words that will stick with me forever. I'll go every night until the nights run out...

And today, when he was telling my friend things to translate to me, his sister became choked up and walked out of the medical ward.  I could see through the window that she was outside crying.  So I did the only thing I knew to do.  I walked outside, stood beside her, and just took her hand into mine.  Her sister-in-law came out and took her behind the building (I think to get her to stop crying).  But while she was with me, I just let her cry.  Its probably something she doesn't get to do that often and as an American, crying is part of our culture.  So I was happy to foster this uncommon emotion in her.  Watching her brother deteriorate has got to be the most gut wrenching thing.  And then to hear him give me instructions on what to do after he dies had to be even harder.  But for her and for her brother, it was easy for me to hold it together and take care of business.  I really do think God built me for this.  And I feel honored to be able to help.

I desperately want to come home to America to deliver this baby boy and introduce everyone to Happy.  But if God's plan is for me to be here and care for this man and his family as he succumbs to AIDS, then that is what I will do.  

I hope my children will one day understand the choices I've made and, if need be, forgive me for my decisions.  I'm really trying to do what is best for everyone but I am sure that I will fail someone.  But I'll keep trying and pray for God to take over where I am deficient.  

~Shae