Saturday, April 14, 2012

Shae's Blog: 25 days... and its not getting easier

I can't believe that its been 25 days since I left my beautiful Happy girl.  I have not received updates on her and its so unsettling and painful.  Anyone who loves a child, parented a child, or had a bond with a child knows that going only 3 days without updates on how that child is doing becomes a personal torture.  And thats how I feel right now.  I have had a blog half written for over a month now with all the beautiful things I want to say to Happy and about Happy... but I can't seem to bring myself to finish it to post.  My head and my heart are too dark still.  I'll get there.  Just not ready yet. 

So in the meantime, here are three videos I took on the next to last, and last day with her.  I am really proud of the fact that those last days were filled with smiles and laughter.  Yes, I broke down, but usually it was when she was asleep or not in my presence.  I tried to keep our interaction completely normal and continued with her schedule as always. I didn't want to tip her off that anything was wrong.  Because I've seen her panic before when I had to leave her for a few weeks in November.  And i didn't want to create that scenario for her again.  So we just kept on like we always did... even though my heart was breaking behind the smiles. 

She is my sunshine.  Right now, my only sunshine.  She makes me happy when skies are grey.  She'll never know how much I love her...

So I share these videos.  I'll eventually blog my final post about her and I.  Just not ready yet.

~Shae

She loves to watch men at work!


I stripped her down to cut her hair and then realized the clippers wouldn't work. So we started playing instead.  She always loved to climb on my back and giggle giggle giggle.  So glad we have this on video now!

She is BY FAR the most fun I have ever had.  I just loved every minute with her... even the stressful minutes!  Eventhough her body is the size of a one year old and her voice ever so young, she had big energy and always brought a smile to everyone around her.  She is such a good girl!

3 comments:

Ali said...

I know exactly what you mean about having videos. Pictures are great, but videos are even better. So glad you got these wonderful ones. I especially love, love, love the last video and the kiss she finally gives you. So sweet!

Unknown said...

We're praying for you! And you know, the song that pops up in my head is the old Ray Boltz song "Thank You" because no matter what happens with you and Happy in the future here, you made a huge impact on that little girl's life, and she will be so much better for it!

dolly said...

love the videos of Happy and you, something special to have xx